frustrated

I was blogging about Christmas and I wanted to delete picture I had added. Instead of deleting the picture I accidentally deleted the whole post. I am dejected now and am done blogging for today.

anniversary

Today is our anniversary. Nick and I have been married for two years (although we've been a couple since 1999). I love him very much and I'm so glad that he is the one I get to spend my life with.

contemplating

I’ve been thinking a lot about careers and how I want to spend my work time. Since college I have been trying to figure out what it is I want to do. I know that you’re supposed to figure that out while in college. I know that that’s the point of college. However, I went to college because that’s what you did. That was the next step you took. I was always able to get good grades in high school without having to put forth much effort. I’m a procrastinator by nature, so I went to college with this work ethic and I definitely took it for granted. I enjoyed it, and I did fine academically speaking, but I can’t say that I did my best work there. I wasn’t learning because I wanted to learn so I just skated by. Were I to take classes now, which I would like to do, I think I would get much more out of them.

That being said I haven’t been totally sure what direction I want to go in. I think a large part of my uncertainty is based in fear. I’m afraid to choose something and fail at it. At least I’m assuming that’s what the problem is. (At least I think fear is that part of me that whines “I don’t want to be a grown-up! Cant’ my parents just take care of me forever?)

I have a psychology degree. I followed this course of study intending to go into Marriage and Family therapy. After graduation I decided I didn’t want to do that. I think I was scared I wouldn’t be good at it. I have a tendency to take my work home, so it’s probably best that I didn’t go that route. I’ve always liked working with kids and youth so (since being a life-long camp counselor isn’t really an option) I’ve thought about teaching. That felt ok for a while, but I still don’t think that’s quite the right fit. Psychology just fascinates me. I love trying to figure out how people work – how they think, why they do the things they do. I still think I might pursue teaching as a step towards wherever I’m going, but I think it’s still going to have to come back to psychology.

I might have to stop being scared.

Hmmm.....